What Submission Taught Me About Healing

Ephesians 5:22–33 (NIV)

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior."

Submission has been one of the greatest struggles in my walk with Christ. After ten years of following Jesus and faithfully reading His Word, I can honestly confess that I still wrestle with what it means to submit to my husband.

I believe many young girls are given far too much responsibility at an early age. From childhood, they are often trained, or conditioned, to care for younger siblings, manage their mother’s emotions, and ensure their father’s anger does not escalate. They learn early how to survive.

By the time these girls become young women, they have spent years caring for others while putting themselves last. They learn that asking for help can label them as complainers or as having a "victim mentality." Many are embarrassed or even ridiculed for needing support. Independence becomes their armor.

These young women often grow into wives who deeply long to be loved, cared for, and protected, yet struggle to trust that anyone truly can, or will, do so. Instead of allowing their husbands to love and protect them, they attempt to control how love is given. Ironically, if asked, many of these women would say they have never experienced unconditional love, yet their need for control can sometimes make receiving it difficult. Submission is not a skill many women are familiar with, especially when viewed through the lens of culture.

In my culture, I was taught that the man works and makes the rules. He is to be feared, respected, and never questioned. He goes to work while the wife stays home and takes care of everything: household responsibilities, paying the bills, and raising and caring for the children. If the man chose not to work, it was not questioned; the woman simply "figured it out." She figured it out with tears in her eyes, a baby at her side, her head held high, carrying burdens she was never meant to bear alone.

It is not that a woman or wife refuses to submit. Often, she simply does not know what submission looks like. When a woman gives her heart to God and begins to learn His ways, layers of lies are slowly peeled back, and self-dependence begins to be unlearned.

A wife who entrusts her heart fully to God will begin to loosen her grip on control and grow in trust toward her husband. She will learn that she was never meant to carry authority over every person or circumstance alone. As she learns dependence on God, she begins to trust that her husband is the head of the home and her covering. She also comes to understand that marriage is meant to be equally yoked, with both husband and wife inviting God into their union.

When a wife learns to submit in this way, God’s order begins to emerge in the home. Husbands submit to God for wisdom, guidance, and leadership in their lives. Wives submit to their husbands, trusting not only them, but also the God who leads them.

Mary Mier

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